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°°Mono-Bobo°° °°Buddies of Mono°° °°Bits of Mono°°
| Thursday, Feb. 10, 2005 - 2:55 p.m. dead I sit here and I can actually watch the bits of me slipping though my fingers, like the dregs of a good dream once you wake up. I ran into him in Civc yesterday and nearly screamed. I was walking off my bus and he stepped out of the doorway of the newsagency. He stopped and looked at me, smiled and waved. I nearly died, I wanted to burst into tears right there on the spot. The shock of seeing him smile at me made me yelp and I quickly fumbled some words about how much of a rush I was in. I was in a rush too. I'm doing the road ready course because I'm finally old enough to learn how to drive. I needed to buy two birthday presents for my cousin that I didn't have enough money for and I had about three minutes to catch my bus. I flipped out, got one gift for Grace, called my parents to ask for more money, went into JB and then just as I was purchasing my goods he walked down the steps into the store. I don't know if he saw me straight away, but i started to hyperventilate and tears came to my eyes. I could feel him looking at me, walking around the store. I ran outside, saw Vinno and Bob and ran up to them. I missed three more buses because of the order I did everything in and ended up heinously late for my second night of road ready. I did the test, passed it and I have another three hours again tonight. I was trying to be happy last night surrounded by teenage girls, young adult men and old immigrants all hoping to soon be able to drive themselves to school and work. But then I got messages from ******* and started to shake, ramble and collapse again. He accused me a of lying, saying that I was avoiding him and all those things that are true, painful and needed. I need money. I have so little money at the moment, and I don't have a job yet either. I mean they said they would give me shifts at Milk and Honey if I call this Sunday, but it's hard to have faith in that. I took today off school because all 900 other students are going on an excursion to some river somewhere to eat icecream and throw tomatoes at each other. Because I have next to no ability to prevent myself joining in with activities like that I stayed home. I figured that jelly and tomato wouldn't be good for my stitches. I'm shaking now too. I don't think it's form the cold, it was quite warm this morning, but now I have goose bumps and I feel like I have somebody who hates me passionately pouring their loathing into a glare directed at my back. Fucking fuck. I don't know what to do. ******* wants to know what happened on New Years Eve that changed everything. But telling him would ruin my life, it would make everything so much more difficult.
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